Saturday, July 10, 2010

3 pages per day...

Julia says to write three pages per day.

I need more discipline.

I want to write 3 pages.

But It's hard to stay focused... or motivated.

I think part of it is because my ex-husband expected so much from me and I couldn't keep up.

I always think my new husband will be dissappointed if I suddenly stop so frequently.

I have not yet found balance, between being the good wife, and being a good writer.

Nor have I found balance between comfortably living the country life and yet having only friends who are far away.

Thank God for my one friend that stays consistent in writing me and making a poinnt of getting together.

Now if only one like her lived closer to motivate me in my weightloss.

I bought a one peice bathing suit yesterday

....plain jane brown.

My husband asked if it was old lady style?

...well aren't they all?

I feel very self consious this weekend....good company,

but I feel fat within this runner's circle.

....but that's my issue only..

In my head I run laps telling myself to work out,

to jog up the hay feild,

or to walk to work.

But there are dogs, bears, deer and moose hiding every so often...

and Tim doesn't want me walking the highway....

especially when there are no shoulders to protect me from stupid drivers.

I'd be fit with all the laps I've run in my head,

I'd be who I want to be.

But I sometimes feel that I just can't catch up to her.

She runs by me every so often, more-so lately, than before...

she smiles and carries on,

pony-tail flapping with each step.

3 pages, Julia says.

I don't think I could,

Or should,

for that matter.

It only makes you fatter.

3 pages only make my thoughts thicken....

and then thoughts become things..

I guess I'll go out and get onto my bike.....

camping may be the only chance I get.