Sunday, May 31, 2009

Jekyl & Hyde

A good friend once told me of the "Jekyl & Hyde" transformation on my life.
She stated it was such a difference from the person she met when I was first married.
I was such a bitch to my husband, a retrictive mother to my little daughter.
I nagged,
I swore,
I told him what to do all the time,
I told him what to wear,
and I de-masculated him in front of everyone.
I had no regard at all.
No respect for him.
I never let him go anywhere and if he did I didn't let him go very long.
I never let my child be curious and learn of the things exposed to other people's lives.
I always said no and she listened without fighting back.
Well My husband one day walked out...
After nine months I found him living with another woman.
My daughter is reaching her teens and my restrictiveness has made her lazy and sometimes forgetful...becuase I always took care of whatever in the end....
I took for granted the things that were closest to me....
And somehow I lost them.
Yesterday I saw my old self again...But it wasn't me...It was a woman who stopped by my house.
She never let her children be curious in my house,
She looked so uncomfortable here.
Her children would ask me a question and their mother would immediately snap a "No" at them.
I ultimately let her have the final say for I did years ago.
Then when the men came in, she yelled at her husband about his clothing.. and when he commented she just shut him down and told him to say thankyou...
He immediately followed suit, making her big large tall husband look like one of her cowering children.
I felt sorry for him...and my husband shivered at his friend's reaction.
The stay lasted 20 minutes...and I was glad...becuase I did not like hosting my old self.
Her demeanor makes her a bitter, angry woman...
The first rule, hanging on the wall in my house ,when you walk in the door says, "Absolutley No Naggin'"
The bible says: "Better to live on a corner of a rooftop than to live with a quarrelsome wife."
It also says, " A contentious woman is like a dripping faucet."
I will be the first to say that the old me was a dripping faucet, a wailing window, a clanging pipe, and a bad refrigerator motor.
There is a famous writing that speaks of how to be a virtuous woman....
She is far from perfection, but she shows regard for her husband & her family, and through it all, ultimately for herself by acting so.
It Speaks as follows,
"A wife of noble character, who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good and not harm, all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax and works hard with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is dark, and prepares food for her family
and portions for those her bless her.
She considers opportunities and purchases them,
out of her earnings, she produces more.
She sets out her work vigorously; her arms strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable and her lamp does not go out at night.
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hand to the needy, When it snows, she has no fear for her family, for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for their beds, and she is clothed as royalty.
Her husband is deeply repected in the city where he takes his seat among leaders of the land.
She maken linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with supplies.
She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful, but gentle, wisdom is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise and call her blessed,
Her Husband also, and he praises her saying,
"Many women do noble things, but you have surpassd them all."
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise where ever she goes."
Years ago,
I saw how different I was from this writing,
my husband did not praise me,
because I did not bring him respect,
I only yelled,and argued,
I was bitter, and unthankful,
disrepectful and terribly bitchy!!!
My visitor did not even congradulate us on our wedding, or on anything else.
She was so focused on herself that she could not see past the Chaos of her own thinking.
I know this because I was her long ago...
But that's okay...her husband made up for her, with many thanks, and a handshake, and for a few gifts that we had passed onto them.
Someday...she'll hopefully see what she takes for granted.
I'm glad the old Cheryle no longer exists...but I'm sad to see the Jekyl & Hyde appearance that present itself in those we meet.
The antidote is out there.
But it's deep within ourselves...
and only we can find it one else.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

A Prickly Guest

I saw a wedding today.
Deep in the woods near here.
The bride wore Cream,
her groom in blue jeans,
a small gathering of love.
They married in the trees,
petals lined a path through their tiny forest.
Chiffon fastened groups of flowers to the trees that surrounded them.
I heard music in the background.
It was distant, but pretty.
But in the middle of all the fuss of the day,
an unexpected guest arrived.
He was fat,
oblivious to the events going on nearby.
He stumbled in...
...But oh, so cute!
It was a porcupine...
Suddenly the groom made a noise....
and he looked up, realizing he had intruded.
He quickly backed away and ran up a tree.
I bet the view from there was very beautiful.
Too bad he didn't have the camera.

Friday, May 22, 2009


Forever, I have always thought,
that Jackie Onasis was the most beautiful woman in the world.
I think I have narrowed it down, finally, as to why.
It's that string of pearls she always wore.
I found a set with matching earrings at a garage sale.
Despite the fear we have of germs these days,
when no one was looking,
I rubbed the string of pearls on my teeth.
The gritty, sandy feel of them would tell me if they were real or not.
They we're.
And the owner had no idea.
The earrings, too, were the real thing.
He had them listed at $2.
I gave him $20 and told him to keep the change.
He looked at me funny, pausing...then asked me , "are you sure?"
I smiled and said...."These are the real thing, you know! It would cost me over a hundred to buy these at Birks. Thanks again!"
I walked away and got in my car.
I wonder if His wife had died...if maybe if she wore them at their wedding?
.... Or if she wore them all the time like Jackie O?
I love them.
They make me feel like royalty when I wear them.
Like a Kennedy.
Jackie Onasis-Kennedy.
I will be as pretty as her wearing my pearls.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Stuff We Carry

Today my shoulders hurt...

much like when I had injured myself at work and had to go for an MRI,

that would possibly show a torn rotator cuff.

The MRI only revealed mild arthritis in the joint and an inflamed Bursa due to my fall.

My shoulder hurts like that again...but it's the other one this time.

I've been reading a small purse book by Louise Hay, called,

"You Can Heal Your Body"

I like it because I believe certain feelings and emotions

can cause illnesses in our bodies when held onto for long periods of time.

I am guilty when I speak of thewse things.
I know that my issues of being overweight stem from feeling unloved.
I never suffered being overweight until I married my first husband...
and right from the start I had severe insecurities about him.

My relationship now has proven how feeling loved can help dissipate being overweight.

I have dropped a dress size already recently and feel much better about myself.

Today my purse feels heavy no matter which shoulder I switch it to.

Louise Hay speaks of how arthritis in the body is usually from relationships not healed...and in the shoulders, representing resentment towards someone.

I know who that someone is...and I know it is the first step to my healing.

That person has left my life and I do not want her back.
I love her and miss her...but could not commit to the complexities of her life a second time around.

I know the resentments that I have felt...but my healing will come when I just let her go.

I have a deep affection for her friendship and if I won the lottery,
I would try only once to meet with her to give her a portion to share with her family. questions asked, no relationship required.

Just a cheque signed out of love...and time invested worthily.

In my head,
I have a million dollars divied up for 10 friends.
All appropriated where I feel it has to go.

Kim, Sarah, Debbie, Janwarta, Stacey,

Lisa, Sherboo, Al, Ed, Gerry.

Despite the things we carry in our purses,

our breifcases,

our memory,

or our hearts...

the heavy things,

the burdensome things....

Money never ever seems to be that heavy. matter how many coins hang at the bottom of the pouch.

It lifts,

it frees,

it brings a smile to our faces,

a little joy to our pocketbooks

and a little rest at the bank.

Somtimes the scars we wear of relationships still show,

and as time tries to fade them away...

they're still there.

....Or at least we know they are somewhere...

and we remember the stories that go with them.

regret causes them to stay visible,

anger and resentment re-open them.
The bible speaks of not letting the sun go down on your anger.
Bitterness and envy make you an ugly person.
I used to be that person a long time ago.
I know full well.
Today, my inner load seems lighter my mind and in my heart,
My outer load,
namely my purse and my shopping....
well, that's another story.
One day I believe my cheque book will be heavier,
I will lighten it by handing some out to those 10 friends...
you will only see me once more when that day comes..
I've seen things I've said come to pass over and over...
this one will too.
I know it full well.
Because I know your faith.....
Until then......

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Simply Wed

I'm looking for a barn to host a wedding in....

I may have to opt for Tim's Garage.....

I saw this picture in a magazine long ago and kept it forever telling myself someday I would marry in the country.

The barn was strewn with tables draped in chocolate, gold organza dressed each chair. each centrepiece was a candle wrapped in wheat was beautiful.

A setting for 30 guests and a head table for two in the middle.

This is what I had wanted......for so many years...

A wedding reception that would put all others to shame.....

Setting up bar in a horses stall and billowing muslin curtains that welcomed you into the simple beauty of country life.

Twinkle lights to line the trees in the yard........ and a cake with antique photos floating above hung on ribbon.

Someday it will all come to pass and people will leave with the memory of our day.

I can't wait to invite you all there!

Watch the mail for our announcement!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Past in the Present

My supplies for scrapbooking arrived in the mail yesterday.

An array of books meant for mothers.

And sisters.

Well...I only have one sister.

But I will send one to my Mother and my Mother-in-law, my British mother, and my sister, Leslie.

I am hoping to antique make them like a love story.

Turn emails into hand written letters that have faded over time tucked into their torn envelopes and tied with ribbon.

I cannot wait for the pictures to be taken and then to arrive.

To be pasted and then wrapped...

and then to see the looks upon their faces when they're opened...

a gift of the present made to look like the past.

I cannot wait for them to look and remember and wish they had been there so long ago...yet so soon.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Am I Forgetting Something?

Today I am surrounded by wedding and hair combs, craft wire...attempting to make something pretty for my hair.

And I think of my friend who is no longer with me.

She would've stood beside me wide eyed and so excited.....

but instead she will not even hear of the day....

My dad is gone too...

He won't walk me down the aisle...

Instead Tim and I will walk together...having done this before..yet knowing this is for the right reasons...

The people who matter will be present....the ones, too distant, cannot....

the people who have overlooked us will not.

I can smell the antique Roses, the Verbilium, the Astroemeria....I look forward to putting them in my hair.

My dress needs to be taken in about an inch or so...

I'll need to buy an umbrella.....for good luck.

Don't forget the rings...

and the vows....and Tim's Cowboy Hat.

I wish you could be there......but you've made other arrangements that cannot be turned around.

Soon I will become Mrs. Newsome.....and you will have missed it.

But I will remember...

remember back to when you would have been there...and what a great time it would have been.

I wish I could bring it all back....

but instead I will settle for just missing something......forgetting something.....and moving on...

Happily Ever After.

Friday, May 8, 2009

The BIg Day!

"When's the big day?"

Thay all ask, either in passing or on facebook.

Not once have they called to see how I am or just do coffee.

People today are so retarded...either engrossed by their TV, their Blackberry, or some catalogue that they will never buy from, they forget the people that may mean the most to them....

They won't notice them in the walmart checkout.

They'll send them a link to a website with never a message attatched, but never chat over tea face to face.

Husbands will force their girls to get together just so they can have some guy time...that's sad....

I'd let mine hang out with the boys anytime...He doesn't need my permission.

I'm not his nag...I'm his partner.

which poses another question..."why do you always bitch at your husband while everyone else is around? " God it makes you ugly.

Who cares when "the big day" is.

Don't you know that every day is a big day when you're part of it? every single day??

Why do you take so much of your life for granted?

Just once in a while I wish people would lose all they hold dear to them so they could realize the value of a good old chat on the phone or a hot cup of coffee with company.

Like Stampede Princesses on parade with your manes flowing and your hooves all groomed.

thinking your perfect life is all that and a big bag of hay.

Get off your high horses ladies......cuz it really hurts when you fall off.

Today's the big day...if you think about it...because you woke up alive, your husband still there beside you and your children hungry for breakfast.

Today is a very big day!