Waiting Outside The Lines

Sometimes I picture my life,

with things swirling about me,

 called to a halt and I'm the only thing left with motion. 

 I reach out and touch the things that are within this whirlwind..

taking a confused glance at things,

yet trying from a different perspective. 

Today I feel like i am in a glass box.

  Limited . 

 Boundaries firmly in place.

  No windows or doors to allow me any escape.

Sometimes I feel like the rest of the world carries on,

 laughing,

socializing,

 succeeding.

I just sit in my house wondering what to clean up next.

I used to sit and knit.

but today, I will put my knitting away...

I need a purpose.

I need a reason.

I need to know how...and when, and where, and why........

....But What?

Who am I?

everyone else can give me an answer...but they don't sit right with me. 

Like a scarf you wear to add a bit of punch to your garment. 

..... and then you take it off. 

 It was never really you.

Just a scarf. 

Just some color.

Like an adjective.

or a post-it note stuck to the top of an assignment.

My ideas are blank....

or stuffed into  "File 13"....

somewhere unknown.

But what?

Who am I?

I look in the mirror and everything is blank. 

Instead,

 I take the old lady face cream from the cabinet,

and fill the lines and cracks in my face.

Fill the gaps , in the meantime.

I best go clean the house, so I can sit by the window later and watch the snow fall.

I wish the me from the future would come and cheer me up.

I wish she would come and tell me all the things I would do someday.

Right now, my anticipation is so foggy...that I see nothing ahead of me.

At present, I close my eyes and imagine the lottery and stuff to do...because i cannot picture it any other way.  It is all i desire right now.

At least with money you can do stuff,

 go places,

 try or learn things.

For now, 

 I guess I'll do the dishes.

The Wheat from the Tares

Separation, seems, now evident.....and friends are starting to emerge out of the woodwork.

....I am so looking forward to the newness of life emerging out here where I live.

I have given up the nail shop and will move forward in my efforts to be creative,

to craft,

and to write.

I cannot wait to discover the new successes which await me.

A great sifting has occured in my surroundings.

much like,

the sometimes,

sudden shift of fall.

This year it happened again.

What almost appeared to be a day of summer,

then a day of yellow branches,

to now ,

their death upon the ground ....

and we wait the blanket of Winter.



My life shifts as well..

.from being a popular small town business icon..

to being back at home,

cleaning house and crafting.



I will begin again.



Wake up each morning to write something.

Create life where things have fallen dead,

re-wake the words within me that desire to be printed.



Set a new schedule,

routine,

and a new boundary.....

and watch for my re-emergence like Springtime.



Success will blossom more full than previously thought!

I will write and create,

and move forward with it....

and create for me a new life,

a new name, a new success,

and a new income!



I will become what I was intended to be all along!