Today my shoulders hurt...
much like when I had injured myself at work and had to go for an MRI,
that would possibly show a torn rotator cuff.
The MRI only revealed mild arthritis in the joint and an inflamed Bursa due to my fall.
My shoulder hurts like that again...but it's the other one this time.
I've been reading a small purse book by Louise Hay, called,
"You Can Heal Your Body"
I like it because I believe certain feelings and emotions
can cause illnesses in our bodies when held onto for long periods of time.
I am guilty when I speak of thewse things.
I know that my issues of being overweight stem from feeling unloved.
I never suffered being overweight until I married my first husband...
and right from the start I had severe insecurities about him.
My relationship now has proven how feeling loved can help dissipate being overweight.
I have dropped a dress size already recently and feel much better about myself.
Today my purse feels heavy no matter which shoulder I switch it to.
Louise Hay speaks of how arthritis in the body is usually from relationships not healed...and in the shoulders, representing resentment towards someone.
I know who that someone is...and I know it is the first step to my healing.
That person has left my life and I do not want her back.
I love her and miss her...but could not commit to the complexities of her life a second time around.
I know the resentments that I have felt...but my healing will come when I just let her go.
I have a deep affection for her friendship and if I won the lottery,
I would try only once to meet with her to give her a portion to share with her family.
....no questions asked, no relationship required.
Just a cheque signed out of love...and time invested worthily.
In my head,
I have a million dollars divied up for 10 friends.
All appropriated where I feel it has to go.
Kim, Sarah, Debbie, Janwarta, Stacey,
Lisa, Sherboo, Al, Ed, Gerry.
Despite the things we carry in our purses,
our breifcases,
our memory,
or our hearts...
the heavy things,
the burdensome things....
Money never ever seems to be that heavy.
....no matter how many coins hang at the bottom of the pouch.
It lifts,
it frees,
it brings a smile to our faces,
a little joy to our pocketbooks
and a little rest at the bank.
Somtimes the scars we wear of relationships still show,
and as time tries to fade them away...
they're still there.
....Or at least we know they are somewhere...
and we remember the stories that go with them.
regret causes them to stay visible,
anger and resentment re-open them.
The bible speaks of not letting the sun go down on your anger.
Bitterness and envy make you an ugly person.
I used to be that person a long time ago.
I know full well.
Today, my inner load seems lighter
...in my mind and in my heart,
My outer load,
namely my purse and my shopping....
well, that's another story.
One day I believe my cheque book will be heavier,
I will lighten it by handing some out to those 10 friends...
J....
you will only see me once more when that day comes..
I've seen things I've said come to pass over and over...
this one will too.
I know it full well.
Because I know your faith.....
Until then......
