"Where are we going, Jane?"
I was driving to the city to pick up a few items for work.
I glanced in the mirror at the librarians in the rear seat.
They whispered to each other, peering at me and nodding.
"Are you speeding, Jane? You should slow down!"
" A sherriff might catch you when you least expect it!"
I glanced down at my spedometer and reduced the pressure on my foot pedal, setting the cruise control in place so I would behave.
The ladies in the rear seem to speak to me a lot more when I'm in the car.
They know I hate to drive.
"Jane, how long did you say you've been driving?"
"Two Years," I tell them.
Again they whisper, looking at me, scowling, as if unimpressed.
I wanted to pull over and let them out.
"Do you really think you should be speeding if you're just a new driver, Jane?"
I'm not a new driver.
I have driven since I was 10 years old till I was 14.
After that,
I chose not to drive,
I became a cyclist.
My father was a drunk.
I spent years behind the wheel, and further yet , behind my father as I reached over his shoulders to guide the steering wheel.
"Dad, It's just like coloring, Just stay inside the lines."
I reminded him of this every night on our way home from the city.
Still it makes me sick to my stomach.
I couldn't sleep for many nights during those young years...
re-living the pictures in my mind of other drivers we nearly hit,
and deer that ran in front or near the car
...and I was no where near the brakes.
I used to teach pre school...
and parents would tell their children to color within the lines...
Instantly I was taken back to driving dad's car at age 10.
I hated that....
I go to my art class and the other artists there ask me how I manage to paint without a picture to guide me.....
I tell them, "Just stay outside the lines."
I hate driving at night
....because all I see are those lines and the lights coming towards me.
"Jane, That's not where you put your hands on the wheel."
"Jane, use your mirrors more!"
The constant badgering reminds me of telling dad what to do...never once realizing how much pressure was on the gas.
I'm content with the cruise control set to a safe, and guidelined speed.
Now I wish those women would just be quiet!
But I hold my tongue and speak in my head to myself,
"Just shut up and Drive, Jane...
Just shut up and drive."
