A Heap of Bones.

It's so cold. Today I had to go help my blind friend run some errands. Which I shouldn't have done considering the state of my arm....but at least it's finished and behind me. I felt like his mother, "Ward, You need a hat!"
...but he didn't acknowledge the frigid temps that loomed out side and after noticing that he didn't do up his jacket, I thought...No wonder you're sick all the time.

Anyway... I'm home now, wrapped in my new hoodie that my friend surprised me with from the World Cup. It's big enough for two which is nice cuz then I can tuck my knees up inside it like my sister & I used to do with our jammies when we were girls. My toque is still on...which I'll probably just wear for most of the day anyway ...I must run out for groceries at some point because my fridge is barren save for a few slices of cheese, a thing of milk and my britta thingy.
I seem to be losing my vocabulary....I must be cold.
Winter always puts me in a frozen mental state. Giving me pictures in my head of beautiful sadness. Stuff you would like to see in movies, visioned and created best only by the narnia movie people.
Where winter tinkles like glass shards in the wind and frost lines the trees with millions of frozen fingers. Enchanting in some ways, romantic even.
Today while walking Ward to the bank, I stopped to let his walking stick find the curb we were about to step up to and then we proceeded to the bank. It's there in those little frozen moments where I slip into a reality of my past that I painted in my head as that frozen, beautiful place. where ice tinkles .
Years ago my heart was so cold, I hated my life and I hated God. I created a placed of being alone inside that cut like glass, yet it comforted me with it's music as glass walls seemed to constantly fall around me. I lived there for years, wounded and scarred. A world in my head that was chilled with the brightness of white and I wore black, I mourned the death of a husband who continued to live. He was hollow inside and walked away from everything that he embraced. My heart grew dark, my words were sharp and cutting, my eyes looked away from everyone.
I remember my highschool days of Goth. Black dresses and skirts, big tall boots and smokey eyes, red lips and silver chains and rings , and red scarves that wrapped my throat like a bloody fleece.
"If I wrote a poem on my wrist with a razorblade, would you even stop to read it?" I recalled those days of Goth, remembering a painting I did of my hand and wrist dripping bloody words for someone to see. But people don't see. They only see your black lipstick and stare at you cuz you can't be normal.
"What the hell was normal?"
SO in my frozen kingdom in my head, I physically walked this earth as it's dark queen, speaking through pictures that were amazed but never understood. Pictures of figures with their skin torn away their muscles peeled back leaving only the bones, laying limp in a heap....prophetically speaking of my desire for bare bones relationship, raw meaty relation ship...yet the bones laid in the last drawing in a heap for there was nothing to support them...All of the exterior was stripped away...
Today I returned to the kingdom in my mind, i wore black and fussed about the grocery store with a blind man while people stood in our way, left carts in the isle, or as they pushed by to get their order filled at the deli.....all because it was normal....
Not once did they consider Ward's "Normal" routines of life. Instead they continue on and just stare at his "black lipstick", and they wonder why he's cold sometimes.
He's blind, can't you see his cane? Does he need black lipstick and chains to be noticed and ignored? no ....
His kingdom exists in his mind, because that is the only picture he has....it is his normal in a world full of vision...
Today I dressed in warm winter layers...but when I'm with Ward, I strip away the outside layers, and I stand there bare boned...and he supports me on my left arm as we cross the street. Because he appreciates the reality of our two kingdoms and the alligance we have forged together.
People...it is time to shout...."Kingdoms Unite!!"
..... and I sing that worship song that speaks of breaking chains and calling out to the dry bones...